MYTH: BECKHAM IS A GREAT PLAYER
REALITY: Beckham is a mediocre player who has been all hyped up by the English media to the extent of legendhood. Does that mean that he is not good? No. He is pretty good but his talent goes unnoticed at clubs like Manchester United and Real Madrid who are so weak in the air. I believe that the true destination for Beckham as of today is Chelsea, as they have Drogba, Terry and Huth who are all good in the air, and his crosses can prove to be more than a handful. But without a shadow of doubt you will be able to find at least half a dozen players of Beckham’s calibre selling water melons in Brazil and another half a dozen driving trucks in France.
MYTH: ROONEY IS A GREAT PLAYER
REALITY: He is definitely good but he has a long way to go before he can be called great. He comes across as a carefree athlete just enjoying his football irrespective of whether the opposition is WBA or Milan. But the true challenge will come when he realises that the aspirations and hopes of a quarter of a billion English fans are firmly and squarely on his shoulders. That is precisely what happened to Ronaldo at France 1998. He just caved in under the pressure. Frankly, if England have to win the World Cup, then Rooney and Lampard have to score, and score plenty. Even Owen could score but he is more of a bits and pieces player and he will get muscled out by the huge defenders that most teams possess.
MYTH: RAUL IS A GREAT PLAYER
REALITY: Everything said and done, there was a time not long ago when he was amazing. But football has since moved on and Raul has stayed put, being more of a liability than an asset at Real Madrid. Though I have admired him for long the final nail in the coffin was when Camacho had to leave for sidelining Raul. But is it fair to blame Raul if the Real fans want to see him play each match irrespective of how woeful he is? Alternately Raul could have come out with a press statement that he was willing to be sidelined as long as Owen was performing better than him. That would have pacified the Raul fans. But instead he comes out with a statement that he is willing to leave Real for the benefit of the club. A smart soccer fan will see through the shrewdness of the statement but a nincompoop fan will be flattered by his humility and start drawing parallels between him and the Pope. Last I heard efforts to have Raul canonised as soon as he dies was gaining momentum in the Raul quarters of Spain.
MYTH : ENGLAND WILL WIN THE WORLD CUP
REALITY: Realistically they have more of a chance of winning it this time around than at any time in the last 50 years. But does that mean that they go in as firm favorites? No. But they are definitely the second best provided most of their players manage to stay fit. The problem with England is the same as the problem with Arsenal - the second string players are not the same class. Except for Sol Campbell and John Terry and to a certain extent Ashley Cole and Wayne Bridge, none of the other players are replaceable. This is not the case with Brazil. You can always replace a Ronaldo with Adriano, and no one would notice the difference. Also England have to find a striking partner for Rooney. Owen is just not good enough. He is only as good as that one goal against Argentina in the WC. But the Owen fans will now argue that he has scored more goals than Ronaldo at Real. But anyone who understands his soccer can see that on most occasions Ronaldo takes at least two defenders with him which leaves Owen in the open to score. He is a good finisher though, maybe even better than Ronaldo on current form. But he does not create any chances on his own, which is a major flaw in his game.
MYTH: ITALY CAN WIN THE WORLD CUP
REALITY: Though they are a good, arguably the best, defensive side, they do not have the attacking flair to score goals. There is an absolute dearth of forwards coming out of Italy. Germany has the same problem, but because of their lenient immigration laws every now and then a naturalized German (Klose, Kuranyi, etc) comes forward. But the same cannot be said about Italy. The attacking flair seems to have ended with Baggio. All the Italian fans can sit and rave and rant about Vieri and Del Piero and Totti but they are just good enough for goals against Latvia and Estonia. If you don’t concede you cannot lose, and Buffon is definitely good enough to sway all penalty kicks in their favour. But the big question is “can they score, even from the penalty spot?”
Thursday, January 17, 2008
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THEY GET MARRIED,
In America,
When he loves her and she loves him they live together for some time.Then they have a kid.Then they get married.Then they get a divorce.Then they find other partners and repeat the whole cycle all over again.
In India
When his folks like her and her folks like him they get married.Then she becomes fat, he becomes impotentand they live a mundane life ever after.
In China
When she likes his 5 foot frame and he likes her chinky features they get married.Then they have a kid.Then the guy goes and gets a vasectomy done.
In Russia
When he likes her and she likes him they get married.What happens after that is one of those very well kept communist secrets.
In Pakistan
When he loves her and she loves him they run awayand get married.Then the girls family kills her and the guy goes back to stay with his folks.
In Africa
When he likes her and she likes him they get married in a wierd ceremony.Then she gets AIDS from him.Then she gives birth to a kid who has AIDS as well.Then the kid gets married and the whole AIDS bloom continues.
In Saudi Arabia
When his family likes her they get married.Then she gives birth to a dozen kids.Then she goes infertile.Then his family finds another bride for him and the whole reproduction process continues.
In America,
When he loves her and she loves him they live together for some time.Then they have a kid.Then they get married.Then they get a divorce.Then they find other partners and repeat the whole cycle all over again.
In India
When his folks like her and her folks like him they get married.Then she becomes fat, he becomes impotentand they live a mundane life ever after.
In China
When she likes his 5 foot frame and he likes her chinky features they get married.Then they have a kid.Then the guy goes and gets a vasectomy done.
In Russia
When he likes her and she likes him they get married.What happens after that is one of those very well kept communist secrets.
In Pakistan
When he loves her and she loves him they run awayand get married.Then the girls family kills her and the guy goes back to stay with his folks.
In Africa
When he likes her and she likes him they get married in a wierd ceremony.Then she gets AIDS from him.Then she gives birth to a kid who has AIDS as well.Then the kid gets married and the whole AIDS bloom continues.
In Saudi Arabia
When his family likes her they get married.Then she gives birth to a dozen kids.Then she goes infertile.Then his family finds another bride for him and the whole reproduction process continues.
GOD TO THEM,
To the American, To them HE is someone who they can casually referto as "Jeez" all the time.Also for them there are only nine commandments.There is no such thing as " Do not commit adultery".
To the Chinese, If the government says that there is no God then there is no God.Thats it.Case closed.
To the Indian, To them HE is omnipresent.Maybe that explains either a temple or a mosque at every nook and corner.Also HE can be especially pleased by singing and dancing.So if anyone in their family is on theverge of dying all they have to do is sing a sentimental song, shed a couple of tears and HE will spare the person.
To the British, To them God is anglican.Also HE is highly broad minded and has absolutely no problems with homosexuals.On the contrary HE is in favor of appointing more homosexuals as Bishops,Priests,etc.
To the Afghani, To them George Bush is God and the U.S armed forces are angels.
To the Russian, You ask any old timer and he will swear that there used to be a God.Then the communists came and now no one knows where HE is.
To the American, To them HE is someone who they can casually referto as "Jeez" all the time.Also for them there are only nine commandments.There is no such thing as " Do not commit adultery".
To the Chinese, If the government says that there is no God then there is no God.Thats it.Case closed.
To the Indian, To them HE is omnipresent.Maybe that explains either a temple or a mosque at every nook and corner.Also HE can be especially pleased by singing and dancing.So if anyone in their family is on theverge of dying all they have to do is sing a sentimental song, shed a couple of tears and HE will spare the person.
To the British, To them God is anglican.Also HE is highly broad minded and has absolutely no problems with homosexuals.On the contrary HE is in favor of appointing more homosexuals as Bishops,Priests,etc.
To the Afghani, To them George Bush is God and the U.S armed forces are angels.
To the Russian, You ask any old timer and he will swear that there used to be a God.Then the communists came and now no one knows where HE is.
If God spoke to these people what he would probably say,
To the Keralite----Stop poking your noses in other people’s affairs and learn to mind your own business.
To the communist--- When you die you are in for a big surprise.
To the American--- Stop acting God.
To the Hollywood celebrity--- Irreconcilable differences, right?
To the Gujarati--- How is business?
To the cloning expert---That’s my job!
To Michael Jackson---where did I go wrong?
To the Frenchman---did you atleast defeat the Greenpeace guys?
To the Asian immigrant in Britain---do I get fries with that?
To the Asian immigrant in the U.S---TAXI!
To the south Indian---are you a software engineer or a doctor?
To George Bush---If 3+2=5 how much is 2+3.
To the Russian---So did you freeze to death or starve to death?
To the North Indian---did you buy the house and car or did you get it as dowry
To the Australian---is that where the shark bit you?
To the Mexican in the U.S---are you here legally or illegally?
To the Chinese---sometimes I wonder if I really exist.
To the Bengali--- this time are you striking coz Saurav is not in the team or because of the new anti-strike laws.
To the Bihari--- so where were you kidnapped from?
To the Punjabi---where are you headed, Canada, Britain, Indian army or your own bhangra band?
To the average American---I will take paper!
To Sven Goran Eriksson---Smart move, Sven!
To Jose Mourinho---So you also want to buy him and him and him………….
To the protestors outside the WTO summit---fat chance!
To the gay rights activists---what next!
To the West African immigrant in France---Which club?
To the North African immigrant in France---so how many cars did you burn?
To Oprah Winfrey---You are my Shero!
To the African---food or guns?
To Winona Ryder---are you sure you brought this dress?
To the Pro-abortion activists---Oh! Come on, let me win atleast once
To the communist--- When you die you are in for a big surprise.
To the American--- Stop acting God.
To the Hollywood celebrity--- Irreconcilable differences, right?
To the Gujarati--- How is business?
To the cloning expert---That’s my job!
To Michael Jackson---where did I go wrong?
To the Frenchman---did you atleast defeat the Greenpeace guys?
To the Asian immigrant in Britain---do I get fries with that?
To the Asian immigrant in the U.S---TAXI!
To the south Indian---are you a software engineer or a doctor?
To George Bush---If 3+2=5 how much is 2+3.
To the Russian---So did you freeze to death or starve to death?
To the North Indian---did you buy the house and car or did you get it as dowry
To the Australian---is that where the shark bit you?
To the Mexican in the U.S---are you here legally or illegally?
To the Chinese---sometimes I wonder if I really exist.
To the Bengali--- this time are you striking coz Saurav is not in the team or because of the new anti-strike laws.
To the Bihari--- so where were you kidnapped from?
To the Punjabi---where are you headed, Canada, Britain, Indian army or your own bhangra band?
To the average American---I will take paper!
To Sven Goran Eriksson---Smart move, Sven!
To Jose Mourinho---So you also want to buy him and him and him………….
To the protestors outside the WTO summit---fat chance!
To the gay rights activists---what next!
To the West African immigrant in France---Which club?
To the North African immigrant in France---so how many cars did you burn?
To Oprah Winfrey---You are my Shero!
To the African---food or guns?
To Winona Ryder---are you sure you brought this dress?
To the Pro-abortion activists---Oh! Come on, let me win atleast once
Strength in numbers
THE AMERICAN
#One American is a waiter at Mcdonalds.
#Two Americans is Larry king live.
#Three Americans is a high speed car chase on Foxnews.
#Four Americans is the passenger list of anAmerican Airline Boeing 747.
THE ENGLISHMAN
#One Englishman is a University.
#Two Englishmen includes an illegal immigrant fromAlgeria named Mohammed.
#Three Englishmen is a soccer club with eightforeign players.
#Four Englishmen is a boy band.
THE CHINESE
#One Chinese is a job-hunter in Hong-Kong namedChang.
#Two Chinese is a student uprising.
#Three Chinese is a coal mine.
#Four Chinese is what the government dreads most,the "one couple one child" policy gone wrong.
THE IRAQI
#One Iraqi is a supervisor in an undergroundchemical plant.
#Two Iraqis is the number of people who thinkattacking Kuwait was a good idea.
#Three Iraqis is an anti-US rally.
#Four Iraqis is the number of people who still givea damn about Saddam.
THE RUSSIAN
#One Russian is a deserter.
#Two Russian is number of people willing to workfor the KGB.
#Three Russians is the number of communists left.
#Four Russians is the number of people living abovethe poverty line.
#One American is a waiter at Mcdonalds.
#Two Americans is Larry king live.
#Three Americans is a high speed car chase on Foxnews.
#Four Americans is the passenger list of anAmerican Airline Boeing 747.
THE ENGLISHMAN
#One Englishman is a University.
#Two Englishmen includes an illegal immigrant fromAlgeria named Mohammed.
#Three Englishmen is a soccer club with eightforeign players.
#Four Englishmen is a boy band.
THE CHINESE
#One Chinese is a job-hunter in Hong-Kong namedChang.
#Two Chinese is a student uprising.
#Three Chinese is a coal mine.
#Four Chinese is what the government dreads most,the "one couple one child" policy gone wrong.
THE IRAQI
#One Iraqi is a supervisor in an undergroundchemical plant.
#Two Iraqis is the number of people who thinkattacking Kuwait was a good idea.
#Three Iraqis is an anti-US rally.
#Four Iraqis is the number of people who still givea damn about Saddam.
THE RUSSIAN
#One Russian is a deserter.
#Two Russian is number of people willing to workfor the KGB.
#Three Russians is the number of communists left.
#Four Russians is the number of people living abovethe poverty line.
THE AMERICAN
#One American is a waiter at Mcdonalds.
#Two Americans is Larry king live.
#Three Americans is a high speed car chase on Foxnews.
#Four Americans is the passenger list of anAmerican Airline Boeing 747.
THE ENGLISHMAN
#One Englishman is a University.
#Two Englishmen includes an illegal immigrant fromAlgeria named Mohammed.
#Three Englishmen is a soccer club with eightforeign players.
#Four Englishmen is a boy band.
THE CHINESE
#One Chinese is a job-hunter in Hong-Kong namedChang.
#Two Chinese is a student uprising.
#Three Chinese is a coal mine.
#Four Chinese is what the government dreads most,the "one couple one child" policy gone wrong.
THE IRAQI
#One Iraqi is a supervisor in an undergroundchemical plant.
#Two Iraqis is the number of people who thinkattacking Kuwait was a good idea.
#Three Iraqis is an anti-US rally.
#Four Iraqis is the number of people who still givea damn about Saddam.
THE RUSSIAN
#One Russian is a deserter.
#Two Russian is number of people willing to workfor the KGB.
#Three Russians is the number of communists left.
#Four Russians is the number of people living abovethe poverty line.
#One American is a waiter at Mcdonalds.
#Two Americans is Larry king live.
#Three Americans is a high speed car chase on Foxnews.
#Four Americans is the passenger list of anAmerican Airline Boeing 747.
THE ENGLISHMAN
#One Englishman is a University.
#Two Englishmen includes an illegal immigrant fromAlgeria named Mohammed.
#Three Englishmen is a soccer club with eightforeign players.
#Four Englishmen is a boy band.
THE CHINESE
#One Chinese is a job-hunter in Hong-Kong namedChang.
#Two Chinese is a student uprising.
#Three Chinese is a coal mine.
#Four Chinese is what the government dreads most,the "one couple one child" policy gone wrong.
THE IRAQI
#One Iraqi is a supervisor in an undergroundchemical plant.
#Two Iraqis is the number of people who thinkattacking Kuwait was a good idea.
#Three Iraqis is an anti-US rally.
#Four Iraqis is the number of people who still givea damn about Saddam.
THE RUSSIAN
#One Russian is a deserter.
#Two Russian is number of people willing to workfor the KGB.
#Three Russians is the number of communists left.
#Four Russians is the number of people living abovethe poverty line.
What they need most
What they need most,
The American
#Osama Bin Laden.
#A faithful wife/husband.
#A President with an IQ more than 10.
The Chinese
#Authentic foreign goods.
#More than 1 child.
#A decent name having more than 2 alphabets.
The Indian
#Cricket world cup.
#Holiday package to Switzerland.
#A weepy weekly soap starting with the initials "k"
The Englishman
#Beckham looks.
#A wife who looks like Princess Diana.
#A neighbour who is not an illegal immigrant.
The Palestinian
#Suicide bombers.
#Anti-US and anti-Zion rally.
#A minister to act innocent on "Hardtalk"
The Iraqi
#Riddiance from Saddam
#Food,water,clothing,electricity,job......etc
The American
#Osama Bin Laden.
#A faithful wife/husband.
#A President with an IQ more than 10.
The Chinese
#Authentic foreign goods.
#More than 1 child.
#A decent name having more than 2 alphabets.
The Indian
#Cricket world cup.
#Holiday package to Switzerland.
#A weepy weekly soap starting with the initials "k"
The Englishman
#Beckham looks.
#A wife who looks like Princess Diana.
#A neighbour who is not an illegal immigrant.
The Palestinian
#Suicide bombers.
#Anti-US and anti-Zion rally.
#A minister to act innocent on "Hardtalk"
The Iraqi
#Riddiance from Saddam
#Food,water,clothing,electricity,job......etc
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